These Phrases shared by A Dad Which Helped Us as a New Parent

"I think I was simply in survival mode for a year."

Ex- Made In Chelsea personality Ryan Libbey anticipated to cope with the difficulties of being a father.

But the actual experience rapidly proved to be "utterly different" to what he pictured.

Life-threatening health complications during the birth caused his partner Louise being hospitalised. All of a sudden he was pushed into acting as her main carer in addition to caring for their baby boy Leo.

"I took on every night time, every nappy change… every walk. The role of both parents," Ryan stated.

After 11 months he became exhausted. It was a talk with his father, on a bench in the park, that led him to understand he needed help.

The direct statement "You are not in a good place. You require support. What can I do to support you?" opened the door for Ryan to talk openly, look for assistance and regain his footing.

His situation is far from unique, but infrequently talked about. Although the public is now more accustomed to addressing the strain on moms and about PND, less is said about the struggles fathers face.

'It's not weak to request support'

Ryan thinks his difficulties are linked to a broader inability to open up among men, who often absorb harmful perceptions of manhood.

Men, he says, often feel they must be "the rock that just gets hit and doesn't fall time and again."

"It's not a sign of weakness to request help. I was too slow to do that quick enough," he adds.

Mental health expert Dr Jill Domoney, a expert focusing on mental health before and after childbirth, notes men can be reluctant to accept they're finding things difficult.

They can believe they are "not a legitimate person to be asking for help" - particularly in front of a new mother and infant - but she stresses their mental well-being is vitally important to the unit.

Ryan's heart-to-heart with his dad gave him the opportunity to take a break - taking a short trip away, separate from the home environment, to see things clearly.

He came to see he had to make a change to pay attention to his and his partner's emotional states alongside the practical tasks of caring for a infant.

When he opened up to Louise, he discovered he'd failed to notice "what she was yearning" -holding her hand and listening to her.

'Parenting yourself

That realisation has transformed how Ryan sees parenthood.

He's now writing Leo letters each week about his journey as a dad, which he hopes his son will read as he grows up.

Ryan believes these will help his son better understand the vocabulary of feelings and make sense of his parenting choices.

The idea of "reparenting" is something rapper and songwriter Professor Green - real name Stephen Manderson - has also experienced deeply since having his son Slimane, who is now four.

During his childhood Stephen lacked reliable male guidance. Even with having an "wonderful" connection with his dad, profound emotional pain resulted in his father found it hard to cope and was "in and out" of his life, complicating their bond.

Stephen says repressing emotions caused him to make "terrible decisions" when in his youth to alter how he felt, finding solace in drink and drugs as a way out from the pain.

"You gravitate to substances that aren't helpful," he notes. "They might short-term modify how you feel, but they will in the end exacerbate the problem."

Strategies for Coping as a New Father

• Open up to someone - when you are under pressure, confide in a trusted person, your partner or a counsellor what you're going through. It can help to reduce the stress and make you feel more supported.
• Keep up your interests - continue with the activities that allowed you to feel like yourself before having a baby. It could be going for a run, socialising or gaming.
• Pay attention to the physical health - nutritious food, getting some exercise and when you can, getting some sleep, all play a role in how your emotional health is coping.
• Meet other new dads - listening to their experiences, the difficult parts, along with the positive moments, can help to put into perspective how you're feeling.
• Remember that requesting help isn't failing - taking care of you is the most effective way you can look after your family.

When his father subsequently died by suicide, Stephen naturally found it hard to accept the passing, having not spoken to him for many years.

Now being a father himself, Stephen's resolved not to "perpetuate the cycle" with his own son and instead give the stability and emotional guidance he lacked.

When his son is about to have a tantrum, for example, they try "shaking it out" together - processing the frustrations safely.

Both Ryan and Stephen state they have become improved and more well-rounded men since they faced their struggles, changed how they talk, and figured out how to manage themselves for their children.

"I have improved at… dealing with things and managing things," explains Stephen.

"I wrote that in a letter to Leo the other week," Ryan shares. "I expressed, at times I feel like my job is to instruct and tell you on life, but the truth is, it's a dialogue. I am understanding as much as you are through this experience."