Late-Night Comics Lampoon Trump's Controversial 'Gold Card' Immigration Plan

Late-night's top entertainers used the broadcast ridiculing President Donald Trump's newly launched immigration initiative, labeled the "Trump card," describing it as a obvious pay-to-play scheme for the rich.

Stephen Colbert's Pointed Spin

Opening his show, Stephen Colbert offered a mock Christmas song about the president. "He is making a list, reviewing it twice, then giving that list to the people at ICE," he intoned. "Donald Trump ... ruins all he handles."

The focus was the controversial initiative that enables international individuals to acquire U.S. legal status for the price of a million dollars, or "platinum" option for five million. An official portal guarantees processing "in record time."

"A brief thought for you to wealthy foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert remarked.

He pointed out that the card is also intended to "get cash" from companies looking to hire skilled workers, involving hefty payments. "That's a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get free accommodation at a hotel of your choosing – as long as it's the that one hotel," he said.

"Unprecedented vetting the government has before done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "that $15,000 vetting to make sure these people truly are eligible to be in America."

"That's important, you gotta prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert deadpanned. "The initial query: how many burgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his own show, Jimmy Kimmel dubbed the initiative the "American Dream Express Card."

"It's a card that will let affluent overseas citizens to live here," he stated. "For a million dollars, you get legal resident status, you get a route to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one serious crime of your choice."

"Perhaps it's time to revise that inscription on the Statue of Liberty – to hell with your huddled masses. Pay a million bucks, you're in!" he remarked.

Kimmel mocked the simplicity of the application, observing it is "more difficult to start a Wordle account." He remarked that Trump "thinks citizenship is something you can sell, like a timeshare."

"That's right, the top people are the rich people," Kimmel said. "That's what Jesus constantly said! Read it in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you give the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers covering Economic Concerns

Meanwhile, Seth Meyers focused on Trump's declining poll numbers amid financial anxiety. "Voters gave Donald Trump a another term since they were angry about the economy," he said.

This week, in a effort to tackle affordability, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a display of food items, and reacted peculiarly to some cereal.

"What a nice job, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my cottage and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Like the Cheerios, I haven't had Cheerios in a while."

"He's so incredibly weird," Meyers reacted. "What do you mean, you're going to take them back to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What are you gonna do with those Cheerios?"

Meyers wrapped up by targeting conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a shiny trophy similar to the one FIFA did," he joked.