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The current period signifies a ten-year milestone since the word “disappearing” entered the common lexicon. At the time, the idea that someone could abruptly cease contact with a romantic interest without a word seemed like the height of disrespect. How naive we were. In the 10 years since, finding a mate has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless endeavor in awkwardness that is increasingly defined by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a generation who matured during a social isolation crisis, a male identity crisis, and a concerted attack on the freedoms of females and the queer community, faces a significantly more chaotic environment than their millennial forerunners could ever imagine. And so their dating vocabulary has grown longer and more bizarre, with phrases like “Ogre-ing” and “monkey branching” testing the boundaries of your sanity.

Below is a comprehensive guide to the phrases this generation is using to talk about love, sex and the search of both. To channel one of the year’s most viral memes, by the end of this glossary you’ll ache to get back to God’s country – because where that is, it is free from “ideological catfishing”.

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A

Authenticity – In the view of Zoomers, dating’s ultimate goal is showing up as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Avian theory – A TikTok trend loosely based on a test developed by couples researchers, in which you mention something trivial – for example, “I saw a bird today” – and note whether your partner’s response is engaged or dismissive. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Mysterious girlfriend – Gen Z’s answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” archetype of the early 2000s – but instead of having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the mysterious partner focuses on her own needs while exuding mystery and self-sufficiency. (She may yet have baby bangs.)

C

Chair theory – This refers to going for someone who aids you without being asked. If you entered a room, they would pull up a seat for you to sit down.

Task-based bonding – A date where two people connect while doing chores, such as pet care or grocery shopping. In other words, how broke young adults do low-cost dating in a post-“$5 beer and shot combo” world.

Crashing out – Melting down when you feel swamped by life. You can lose it over a infatuation or breakup, spilling all of your unreciprocated feelings.

D

DINK – Dual income no kids. Once a symbol of 1980s young urban professional affluence, it refers to pairs who choose against parenthood to focus on their own happiness. Or because they cannot afford to become parents.

E

Emotional vibe coding – The opposite of being guarded: practicing communication, transparency and vulnerability.

F

Signals

• Danger signals – Personal traits signaling a prospective partner is trouble. Such as calling their exes unstable, poor tipping habits, a fondness for Woody Allen films, a new DJ career …
• Good indicators – These quirks validate your decision to date a partner. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, minimal screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, largely harmless quirks. Such as being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still carrying around a pen in their purse, paying the rent in cash …

Freak matching – When you meet someone who’s just as passionate about films about the WWII or DVD collecting or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, conversely, finding someone who despises the same stuff or people that you do (nothing builds intimacy faster than having a common enemy).

The Letter G

Geese – A band many young men is into.

Ghostlighting – Someone who reappears into your life after a period of ghosting.

Loyal boyfriend – Someone who is friendly, accommodating and devoted. The rare partner who is adored by all of his partner’s friends, and a mysterious partner's counterpart.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A mostly online subculture of men so preoccupied with self-pleasure that they attempt marathon sessions, deliberately delaying orgasm so they can continue as long as possible.

H

Heterofatalism – A mindset describing many women's increasing cynicism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the above entry.

Traditional ideal woman – An ideal promoted by manosphere figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who apparently has no ambitions of her own other than satisfying her male partner. Maybe now you’re beginning to grasp the whole “pessimism” thing better?

The Letter I

Turn-offs – Arbitrary and often mundane turnoffs that immediately kill any sense of interest.

“He would if he cared" – Something to tell yourself after you watch someone else receive an extremely thoughtful act.

J

Professions – These have not been this crucial in the dating scene since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “finance bro” is the ultimate catch: a fleece-vest-wearing, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a popular TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd opt for partners in fields they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or counselors.

K

Making out – This year, scientists learned that the kiss has been around for 16 million years. But the days of kissing may be numbered since some Zoomers prefer fewer sex scenes in movies, as they are having reduced intimacy themselves and do not find cinematic romance realistic.

Kittenfishing – Catfishing-lite. Or, not exactly being dishonest about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) pictures of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {